i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
