wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
