I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I will be naked everywhere
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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