your thong is hanging out like whoa
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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