My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
