It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
