I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
