To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
