guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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