ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
