my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
