I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
