I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Randomize
