Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize