You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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