You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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