i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize