Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
