Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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