Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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