I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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