apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
