roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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