Soap is not a condiment
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
