I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
