If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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