Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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