Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize