thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
