Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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