I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize