they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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