So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Did I show you my penis last night?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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