Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
