WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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