Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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