He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm having to shit out rocks
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
