He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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