drinking out of a sandbucket again
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
