you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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