glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
