It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So. Much. Porn.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
