I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize