she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think my fart just growled at me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
