he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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