I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
there is puke in my bra ... again
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
