Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
