is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize