I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have tasted many bathrooms
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize