My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
