Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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