my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
