I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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