Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
