i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
