Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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