Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
