Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She's the barista slut.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
