I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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