And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
