You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
