I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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