Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
