why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
