Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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