Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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