I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
