Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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