Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize