ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
