Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
