Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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