ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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