I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
