I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
