I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
