'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i will never coherently bang her
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
