it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
