well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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