She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
