had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize