i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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