I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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