Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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