yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
