so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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