Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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