hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
