I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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