Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize