i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
