I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
