somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
