My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
