The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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